Dealing with the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things we ever face, and often, their belongings can be a source of both comfort and pain. There’s no right time to start letting go—everyone’s journey is unique. But if you’re reading this, perhaps you’re at a point where you’re ready to consider letting go of some items, and that’s a brave step in itself.
As someone who has experienced personal loss, I understand how difficult this process can be. Decluttering doesn’t mean forgetting or getting rid of everything. It’s about finding a balance between holding onto what makes you feel good and letting go of what no longer serves you, all while respecting your feelings.
In this blog, I’ll share some gentle guidance on how to approach decluttering after loss, how to honour your loved one's memory without feeling overwhelmed, and how working with someone neutral can make the process more manageable.
1. Knowing When You’re Ready
There’s no “right” time to start decluttering after losing someone close to you. Grief is deeply personal, and the process of letting go can take months or even years. But if you’re reading this, it might be a sign that you’re beginning to feel ready. Remember, it’s okay to feel uncertain. You don’t have to make all the decisions at once, and there’s no timeline you need to follow. The most important thing is that you approach this when you feel emotionally prepared.
If the idea of starting feels too overwhelming, consider taking it slow. Start with something small, like a drawer or a box, and give yourself the time and space to process each item. Grieving is complex, and there’s no rush to “move on” from the memories attached to these belongings.
2. The Importance of Neutral Support
One of the most common challenges when decluttering after a loss is the involvement of family or friends who may have their own emotional ties to your loved one's belongings. While well-meaning, their presence can make decisions more difficult. This is where working with someone neutral, like a professional declutterer, can be invaluable.
A professional will listen to you without judgement or influence. They aren’t emotionally attached to the items, which allows them to offer the kind of support that family members may struggle to provide. Their role is not to push you to get rid of everything but to help you make decisions that you’re comfortable with—decisions that honour both your loved one and your emotional needs.
Having someone neutral by your side can also help you avoid the guilt that often comes with letting go. Whether it’s donating items or repurposing them in a meaningful way, having an empathetic guide through this process can bring a sense of relief and clarity.
3. Keeping What Feels Right
Decluttering doesn’t mean getting rid of everything. You can choose to keep the things that still bring you comfort and remind you of your loved one. For example, a wardrobe full of clothes may seem overwhelming to deal with all at once, but that doesn’t mean you have to part with everything. Donating some items while holding onto a few key pieces, like a favourite shirt or jacket, can be a way of keeping the connection alive.
In fact, repurposing items can help you create something meaningful. For instance, making a cushion or a quilt from your loved one’s clothes allows you to hold onto those memories in a way that brings comfort. I’ve seen many people find solace in knowing their loved one’s garments have been transformed into something they can use and cherish every day. Personally, I still have a few shirts from my late husband and his favourite aftershave in my bathroom cabinet, and I will keep them forever.
The goal of decluttering after loss isn’t to erase your loved one’s presence but to reach a place where their belongings don’t overwhelm you. It’s about finding that delicate balance—keeping enough to feel connected while not holding onto so much that it becomes emotionally draining or impractical.
4. Giving Back as a Way to Heal
One way to transform the process of letting go into something positive is by donating your loved one’s belongings to a charity that meant something to them, or to a hospice that provided care. This act can feel like giving back, a way of honouring their memory while helping others.
Donating to a cause close to your heart or theirs can provide a sense of purpose and relief. Knowing that their clothes, books, or other items will go on to help someone in need can make the act of parting with them feel less painful and more like a continuation of their legacy.
If a hospice or charity supported you and your family, this might be an opportunity to give back in a meaningful way. It can bring comfort to know that someone else will benefit from the items your loved one once cherished.
Grief and decluttering are deeply intertwined, and the process of letting go can be emotionally complex. But it’s important to remember that decluttering doesn’t have to mean forgetting. It’s about creating space—both physically and emotionally—for yourself to heal and move forward in a way that feels right for you.
There’s no need to rush, and there’s certainly no need to go through it alone. Reaching out for help can make all the difference. I’ve seen firsthand how overwhelming it can be, but I’ve also seen how much lighter and more at peace people feel once they’ve begun the process.
Most importantly, if you’re worried that things have gotten out of control or feel too difficult to manage, please know that there is never any judgement—only understanding. Everyone’s journey through grief is different, and sometimes belongings can pile up as we focus on just getting through each day. But everything can be sorted, and with the right help, you can reach a place where your loved one’s memory is honoured without feeling burdened by their things.
If you're feeling ready, even just to talk, I’m here to help guide you through this process with compassion and care. Together, we can find a balance that works for you.
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